scattered. the journey from myself to the world

so i have all these freaking college interviews, and i seem to like all the schools and i really DONT know where i'll end up and for once i dont like the sound of all these options, i just want to know! and so the major things on my mind right now are, what to do?! because i feel a number of different ties, some of which are cultural (going to college after you graduate highschool), other of which are innate (playing music), and even more-- necessary (helping people in Burundi).

so all these thoughts brought me back to a song i wrote called scattered... and i played the first verse and the chorus and then kept playing... making up a new second verse and new choruses, and i wish my house was wired by the IRS and i could figure out where the camera they hid was and get a copy of what just came out of my body, it was like a burden sung out on my living room floor. and i wish there was something recording it because it felt so monumental but i didnt do the best job of transcribing it after-the-fact.

basically the second verse started with like... there are many options, make your choice, a. b. c. d. e., and society will tell you if you're right, or if you're wrong. i am not wrong, i'll sing along, and choose them all, or jus reject them and move on. i am not wrong..

i forget how it transgressed into the world and burundi... but for a long time i kept singing "and my brother and my sister and my mother and my mother, and my father and my sister and my brother and my brother"... on and on just yelling this out to Am and D. and then "people with names and faces, we are the human race and airplanes were created, we are not separated or segregated like we've been for ages." (atleast thats what i remembered enough to write down, might have been more to it than that) and after i sang that, i just started sobbing, like crying so hard, still playing guitar with the same intensity. but i couldnt stop crying.

it was the most amazing song i've ever written. and no one will ever hear it with the bridge of my crying and humiliation for this human race who's been separated for ages!


written after the fact:
people still hated, like they've been for ages
but we all were created
equality you mock me endlessly
insisting you exist with meaning
here i mean
cause we are not separated
draw a map and build its bridges
connect. connect. connect.
the givings contageous
when you're not separated any more
unity defies war.





so if i cant make that song just as powerful as it was to me just now... i hope i can make something thats powerful in someone elses life, whether its us lucky priveleged people in the US, or our starving family members in africa. and we are family, people.



PS- i think i'll organize a few big shows, to raise money for people in burundi to eat some food. rach said i could play at penn state, some barn shows are coming up, i figure music will be the best route for me to do some good in the world. also working on getting a paypal account for ppl to donate money online. i'll update everyone once its done. then its our job to make people aware. so start talking, and if you dont know what i'm talking about, read the post below this one.

one more thing- i'd love some comments or email (settle4more@gmail.com) with ANYthing... this whole things been kind of hard for me, so let me know your reactions