on top of the.. circular world-shaped pebble

this day was going fine... despite extreme cramps (sorry boys, this is the truth of being FEMALE)... the cause of those cramps is quite possibly causing the rest of my emotional unease as i sit here trying to decide which songs to put on a CD that I plan to send to colleges.

Really there is a whole lot i have to be happy about, like for example, it being joeys birthday today (happy birthday!!), and how i'm going to the TV studio tomorrow to record 5 songs to be put on channel 72 throughout the next couple months! and.. that the coffee house is coming up.

still the case of feeling out of place (hey that rhymes) is back again and yelling at me for not knowing how to do all this shit for belmonts audition which is in 3 weeks. 3 weeks! i'm sure i'd love auditioning if i could perform my own songs and have it count for something (it does count for more than anything else in my life, just isn't worth much when it comes to music school). the beautiful blessing is somehow feeling like a burden again, of this natural desire to make music and to write.. and testing to see if anyone gives a damn. it's nice to think people do, it's really nice to be asked to be on ho-co TV.. and its ridiculous that a change of atmosphere can make the feeling of standing on top of the world turn into standing on a tiny pebble in my driveway. humbling i guess. and i'm kept from sleep because of all the obligations in my view, that i'm merely prolonging with distractions like this and IM. i guess i'm hoping one of these distractions will be enough to get me back on track, regain the confidence to have a true look of pride at the little studio tomorrow afternoon. feel free to uhh congratulate and support, cause sometimes i just need reminders, that i'm not all alone in my music, that other ppl are as much a part of it as i am, that it can be that big.




hmm that helped a little already, enjoy your wednesday afternoon (or whatever day of the week it happens to be),

a whole lotta love,


Jodi