time and ties

with a week left i'm feeling more things at once than i have in a while.

its important to spend time with people and catch up and let people know how much i've appreciated them, and its also important not to get too lost in that loss of the past to the point where i can't move on to the future. but i mean.. they do call grieving a process, and it i think its happening at very interrupted intervals.

i've been wanting to get up and go some place cool lately and make the most of my days, because i fear laziness, and i dont have a huge list of things to keep me busy (well.. aside from packing, but i think i'll pack like a mad woman next week)... so if i'm not busy with something really fun, then i end up spending my time sleeping or staring at this computer too much or whatever else. and then i wonder why i'm not out someplace doing something good and worthwhile.

i got dinner with sarah tonight, it was perfect to see her and talk and be able to jump back into the comfort of the friendship we had so long ago.

kathleen leaves on thursday, i called and we talked and cried a little over the phone because we've changed eachothers lives so much.

the sadness gets counteracted with excitement and new beginnings and opportunity and so many activities to be involved in that are meaningful... but then trails back into memories of meaningful times and loss of this stage of life.

college will be great. because i'll make it great. sharing life with the people i've shared it with has been the most incredible eye opening, heart warming, mind stretching experience i've ever encountered on so many levels. i don't think we were made to be alone. i think people need eachother, and people change eachother, and we have to soak up life with all the different people we encounter, and be open to meeting so many great people in college, while coming home to home. coming home to shared highs and penetrating conversation and growth.

so i'll be on my own. what does that even mean? my core is right here, in the love that surrounds this territory, the love that will fly with me on my 7 hour flight to another coast. i hope to share that love with lots of great people... but we all know where it began and where it can't be shaken. its home. it's what we create.


i've found here at home the same thing i probably would've found if i'd driven to the beach or elsewhere; that this monumental change is still approaching, and theres no pretending otherwise. now its about talking to the people that matter, and getting things done that need to get done, and helping people out, and playing music because i love it, and doing all the things i love that exist here. thats just what its about. and i'm glad i know that.


now just to sleep for a while so i can be awake enough to do some of those things... thats the tough part!

peace