better than i know myself

you know how people say that... "he knows me better than i know myself." It's a comforting thought, I think, to say someone else knows you-- "better" than you know yourself. It's like saying someone knows all of you, and then exaggerating that point even further... though when you think about it, that can't REALLY be true. for someone else to know you better than you even know yourself is basically commiting yourself to someone elses opinion of you, or standard of you... really leaving the thinking up to them, and kicking back. (i know the phrase is just meant to say, wow this person KNOWS me)

but yeah, it's kind of a comforting thought, i mean, to have someone that just knows. for some people i think the person or entity that knows them better than they know themselves is God. He knows more than they could ever know about themselves... therefore when they just don't know about themselves, they pray, or read the bible, and then some all-knowingness is hoped to pierce through the clouds or the book and jump inside of their minds.

but what is all this giving up our power to know ourselves doing? we're less contemplative, more dependent, and in a sense, finding a way to live with our lack of understanding of ourselves.

i can say, there's a lot about myself i don't understand. i don't know why i act certain ways around certain people, or why i get in bad moods sometimes, or why i feel the need to be alone, why i then feel lonely. i understand that i'm different, so i almost don't understand why my life seems the same as any other college-bound high school graduate. so i just kind of can daydream about how nice it would be for someone to know me better than i know myself.

but its been through experiencing other people, with thoughts and actions different from my own, and from reading great books, and from driving with the windows down, and from going to that ani difranco concert, that i pick up more of an understanding of myself... it's almost like i have to see part of me in something else to know that part of me exists. but really... it exists before i see it someplace else, and its too strange/difficult to decipher before it's been discovered through my observation of my surroundings.

so this is sort of borderline philosophy blog today. there are parts of me that exist that i do not yet "know" and i'm not convinced that some one knows me better, or that i should stop at that reality if it were true, because really, i'd like to know myself better. and that's something i'm going to be learning to do as i pick up and go to a place where people won't even know me, let alone any better than i know myself.

peace,

Jo