teach myself to be new in an instant like the truth

ani difranco is the woman.

teaching yourself things can be hard. "an instant like the truth" is happening all over the place, and changing every instant, and it's hard to keep feeling new. its easy to feel old, to feel like the person you were, to feel inadaquate, to feel out of place...

yash and trev always talking about "tricking your brain" and how its what you have to do to actually take an interest in something, you have to make yourself believe its true, tricking your brain is what makes history books come alive, scary movies make you jump.. basically allows you to believe what you see is real.

so i've been trying to "trick my brain" to start taking an interest in becoming a little more positive about all this... and i'm getting somewhere, or so i think, and thats better that the cycle of "this sucks." bad news can be so upsetting, so theres some types of religions that tell you not to get your hopes up, just to be complacent and at peace (buddhism..) and not take part in all the craziness around you. but i'm not so much about that because it seems like you're cutting out the lows and the highs, and that we should be able to endure the lows to feel the highs.. and i guess ultimately we balance out or something, but here's the complacent, consistently balanced out approach.

what i want to do is trick my brain into being more positive, so i can possibly experience a more positive outlook, just because in my head i know that it's important to be more positive, even though righ now i have not naturally been very positive. love is hard. the less tangible journey continues.

my next 4 days are going to kick ass, with our without asheville, because i want them to. and i already have off work, and it's okay that the road trip fell through.


goodnight for now