do what you need to do

Activities that have proved to be fulfilling recently:

riding bikes
climbing trees
reading
driving with the windows down
(with no car radio/stereo on)
going to barnes and noble.. not finding a book i went there to buy, then deciding to sit and read "zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" instead, even when it meant going to the car to get my guitar out so it didn't melt in the heat... and bringing it inside. (at first I didn't want to do this because it draws attention to be carrying a guitar around on your back... but when i sat down to read it was as if i was invisible and people conversed around me as if i couldn't hear them)

i liked reading at barnes and noble... because it's almost making a statement. i can read a book in my room all i want, but if i can go to some public place and sit down and read in the eyes of whoever happens to be around, its a way of accepting my nature of wanting to read alone in the first place. when people don't acknowledge me it's exactly what i want. sitting there reading is almost like screaming "i'm an introvert!" or "i like to be by myself sometimes!"

in any case, i had the choice of being stressed out about whatever i want to think about/busy myself with... and then there was the choice to say... i can't finish my CD here and now, my guitar is fixed, i have one load of laundry going that i'll move through when i get back home, i have a few hours til i HAVE to be somewhere, and so why not sit down and read? and i didn't even have to buy a drink, someone brought out free decent-sized samples of mocha frappaccionos, my favorite.

for some people i'm sure this is all no big deal! sitting down and reading at a book store, WOW! but i'd never really done that before, i'd been too preoccupied and self conscious to do that in the past. so my morning/afternoon has been relaxing. i'm learning to do what i have to do.

Jodi