take what you can get

i'm quite mixed up at this point with what certain friendships mean here, esp compared to friendships back home, and hten what those friendships back home mean now... but i'm really taking the time to figure all of those things out. friendships at home are still so great and challenging and growth-inducing, i learn so much from my friends and my interactions with them and analyzing how we deal with things.

lately i'm just taking what i can get-- loving any great conversation i have here on campus, eating choc. chip pancakes with kat and whitney for breakfast, drumming on an african drum, strumming my guitar, listening to david wilcox & others, smoking hooka, dancing, crying... okay so all of those aren't really "taking" but they sort of are.. i mean even crying.. most of the time i ended up crying with someone else present either in person or on the phone.. so i'm taking their attention and their concern and their love.

and what goes with that is giving what i can give. which sometimes is a huge amount, and sometimes isn't much more than a quick email or a wave while walking by. i don't know, but i'm really just soaking up all the love i can right now because transitioning is confusing and emotional. lots of that is personal stuff i have to work through, and thats cool too, i'll take all the lessons i can learn right in, and all the hard times, and all the times i have to just cry even before i know all the particular reasons why or have the ability to articulate it well (i guess thats PART of crying sometimes-- not understanding things yet).

alrightt, i wonder if anyone from LC reads this, or if i want ppl to? hopefully you're TAKE-ing something from this blog, whoever you are. maybe you're not, maybe i'm getting all the gain from saying what i feel is worthwhile in my life. who knowss.. take it easy,

jo