affirmation

i started writing this post right after senior week and only wrote a sentence:

awesome people need affirmation.


now.. i've gotten TONS of affirmation, it's been incredible to be able to make my CD and actually have it be happening and be so well supported by boardwalk walkers and friends and family and all kinds of things.


but what about the tons of other awesome people out there who DON'T get affirmation? here's who hasn't gotten affirmation from me who genuinely deserves it more than anyone in the world:

1. my father! HELLO, he's changing the world, and i freaking found a million reasons to get upset with him and mesh my own personal struggles into a relational struggle with him that involved me treating him like poo... and then getting mad at him for it. now what the heck is up with that? why didn't i ever stand up in the mirror and smack myself in the face? i was too busy hurting myself in this struggle i created because i didn't think my parents would accept me if they kneww that i didn't really believe in christianity, or if they knew that i chose to get drunk during senior week.

why am i typing this in a blog? because a lot of people think i'm perfect, and i'd like to say i'm not, but that i'm not stopping there either. you can't fake being a leader, and i don't know if i was doing that or not, but when i'm ready to be a leader, i will be. i do know that it is in me to do some incredible things on this world, but it will take getting over myself and not seeking to create problems for myself. now how was i able to realize all of this... well thats where the second person who deserves recognition comes in; among many of my close friends is:

2. Rachael Maddox, now this one sounds out of place; rachael is my best friend, of COURSE i think she's awesome... well no, i do think she's awesome, but i haven't shown her sincere gratitude lately, after all the wisdom she's poured out to me, i've been throwing it back in her face essentially by making lame comments that are hurtful and mean and unnecessary. where is it springing from? this negative space that has been formed in myself throung a bitter relationship i formed with my dad, and it's now opened up and out of the closet and attacking without me even thinking about it. rachael is who she says she is. rachael's not putting on a front. rachael's owning up to her self, and she's seeking to do something great with her future, and THAT deserves encouragement.


it's easy for me to get encouragement because i can sit down and play someone a song, and my music is something tangible people can look at and say "good job." but everyone has a song.. and i obviously don't mean literally. but really.. what's so great about a song? well a good song is honest, it's putting something out there, it's contributing to other people or to society, it's saying something or feeling something OUT LOUD... so put aside the whole verse chorus thing (because i don't feel like extending the metaphor any further), but it is so important to encourage people who are doing something with their lives. and to encourage people to do something with their lives, and to really understand a person before writing them off, or especially before hurting them. and these are just all things i'm learning, and i've felt like a horrible person for needing to learn them, but it's more important that i accept that horrible part of me and press on with the good stuff. now... can we all just celebrate eachother? thats what we need this summer; to encourage and inspire and support and celebrate ourselves and the wonderful people around us... the wonderful people that have problems but find ways to deal with them. who fight to stay alive and give life a good name. First people up to celebrate in my life: my dad and rachael. and theres room for more once i get a little further over myself. ( i didn't enjoy writing that last sentence... but its true).



there's my shot at honesty, for what its worth,

Jo