how do you mean?!

So I've basically finished the Republic by Plato in a week! And I was so happy to see that phrase printed numerous times because back home Yash would always be saying "how do you MEAN??" and there it was, in old school greek times being said like it was normal.

So it seems like justice is quite hard to define, but pretty darn important, and that Plato would love to see us living in one communal women-children sharing community of giving and receiving to achieve what each individual needs. there's a lot of other stuff going on in that book, like noble lies and how democracies form and all kinds of stuff, it's really cool actually.

i've enjoyed reading in lots of different atmospheres, there's a cool looking tree near the frank manor building and then theres the grass near the reflecting pool, hey the grass right outside my dorm aint so bad either, basically outside is the place to read.

i've found that i'm very forgetful.. i've been locked out of my room 3 times, one of which i ended up walking around campus with no shoes at night (which people don't think is so weird here). today i left my purse in my first class and got the RA to let me in my dorm and i checked my email-- someone had used my id to search my name nad sent an email telling me where they'd put my purse (which had my ID, my bank card, my digital cam, my cell phone, etc. in it). luckily people are tight enough to do something like that.

i was thinking while walking to get my purse, how nice it feels to not have a purse or a backpack or ANYTHING on me other than my clothes, and how foreign the idea of walking around alone for the sake of walking around, without any mission at all, is so rare. i guess we all find comfort in purpose, or maybe its that schedules consume our time to the point hwere there is always SOMEthing to be done, and whether you feel like it or not, you better be heading in the direction of completing what you ought to do. i guess i had a fight club moment where i thought "what if i just didn't pick up my purse?" haha... but of course i wanted lunch and a key to my dorm... and all the other stuff in my purse (trust me theres a LOT of random stuff in my purse). but it's quite nice to feel unattached and free, reading in the grass is about as close to that as i get cause its both productive and freeing.

i started voice lessons. i'll be both improving vocally and coming to grips with the part of me that feels soooo crappy for not knowing how to read music. because when the topic comes up i feel so inferior i want to run away and cry! i have cried about that actually, since auditioning and getting cut from choir (visit my poetry page for a poetic analysis of my emotional state after auditioning-- www.openpoetry.blogspot.com). yeah i got cut... i choked in the rehearsal, which is something i thought would be rare. but not when ppl are questioning your classical music knowledge of ZERO, and when my ego jumps from star 18 year old song writer with a CD to... beginner bottom of the barrel choir singer.

i know better than to equate both forms of music. but i'm dealing with some funny feelings, some close to anger, some more on the sadness scale, some empowering and motivated, like "oh, you're gonna cut ME? wellll that's just fine, i got other places to go and sing.

its friday and the start of a 3 day weekend, i'm going to do some open mic with a girl i met at lunch down in portland at brittany's church or someplace near there. should be fun!

so dealing with failure seems to be up on the ranks right now, but its mixed in with so many people and classes and readings that i'll deal when its most convenient, and i did sign up for voice lessons, which i'll probably be paying for, and they're not cheap! so the challenge now-- to try to make some dollars by performing in the city. wish me luck, and encouragement is always loved and cherished...

later for now!

Jodi