danger zone

for how much relationship advice i give-- i do not have much experience to back it up. but it is a dangerous place to be when you start to like someone and they like you and for whatever reason- the relationship is not possible. be it 3,000 miles or personal reasons, it becomes quite the paradox. ideally when two people like eachother they are able to start a relationship where they can trust eachother and be committed in some way to one another. there are things that trigger knowing when a relationship makes sense-- caring about eachother, being physically attracted, having an emotional pull toward one another, making eachother laugh... that sort of thing. a type of relationship that challenges you to be a better person all the time, brings out the best in you.

so when you have all of the components, its nice to really take time to see if its right or not. some would naturally say its right! and others would be more reluctant, some would walk away completely and say "not now." the thing is.. neither person can control these conditions or these reactions. and the components aren't really going anywhere. and you can wish the other person would just give in and say yeah i want this... but they won't. so its complicated.

it's like getting what you want and not what you need. (coooldplay-fix you). no matter how much i want to sit here and say its not worth it to keep myself around when its clearly not going anywhere, i'm freakin this far away and it still feels like something so close to my heart. soo i was scared of being vulnerable, now i just don't know how to get out, or if i should, or whether the fact that i should or shouldn't is going to change anything! its tough and i dont really want to give it up.

so i could say i'm mixed up, but its more that i'm not mixed up with the way that i feel, and the way that i feel isn't working out too well for my situation, and nothing is forcing me to stop feeling this way. before it was so easy to just walk away from someone who doesn't want to commit, and thenn it starts to mean something and it gets sticky. soo i don't know whats next but it doesn't feel that safe, and i'm headed there anyway.

or i could really try to stop... and let myself get really hurt right now... and just forget about it. its just hard to get hurt when he still likes me. now i'm sure there are lots of situations like this in different ppls lives, i mean thats sort of like how affairs are (there's no affair happening here), and to that its like -- yo, you can't have it all, you have to choose. so if you can't have it all, should you try to have some of it? it's been worthwhile so far. but it sounds like such a bad idea. sounds like i need to get rejected for reall before i can move on. or just take it a day at a time. i draw no conclusion-- relationships or half-assed relationships are really ridiculously dangerous, you gotta give it a shot though sometimes, because thats what ppl do who believe in things working out.


feel free to offer up words of wisdom... if not on comments, surely through email -- settle4more@gmail.com

jo