change your clock

thats right. the time changed like 2 weeks ago, another hour was magically inserted into our lives... no big deal right? another hour of sleep and it's dark at 6pm instead of 7pm, and life goes on. meanwhile i see two times when i look at the clock, like right now its 11:49... 2:49 east coast.

i guess i already wrote a song about missing familiar things and referring to the time differences ending it with the line "the sun is rising it's 6 o clock, your 9 o clock... i guess i know, why they say 'it takes time'--it's only time."

but i was looking further into it. the more i think in terms of east coast time, which is 3 hours ahead... it's like i'm not allowing those 3 extra hours to exist, and this magical time change was more than just a time change, it feels like a new country i'm living in. lots of immigrant authors write about moving to the united states and feeling like they were slowly being drained of their roots/of their culture and their home. and i guess i feel like there is a parallel between that struggle and the struggle of becoming more of an adult. maybe becoming an adult doesn't mean anything and i can continue to live my curious life and not have to "knuckle down" and not have to be strong. but regardless, i have this feeling of loss.

if i think of where i grew up and all my past experiences as all parts of a fabric that i wore that people had some recollection of when they saw it, because they'd been there for my experiences... then moving here was like having that cloth removed. or blindly viewed at best.

so i'm just feeling all of that these past couple of days. but i've talked to some people about it; there's a lot of ppl i really love out here. it's not really a here v.s. there comparison i'm trying to make. because with the open choice i'd stay here without a doubt.

i just got handed 3 hours and i didn't know what to do with it. the time changed 2 weeks ago and we slept another hour at the sake of some day light in the late afternoon. it's a trade off-- and you can't get time back. sometimes i wonder who i'm most connected with and wonder how the balance got so fucked up. how best friends went from getting 7 days of my time in a week to a few hours. and how family went from having brief daily conversations to having brief weekly conversations. more time on the phone wouldn't really solve the struggle, wouldn't erase this gap in time and space. i suppose it'll take something else-- something new. everything is so new! sheesh. and i love the newness too.