oh college, i love you.

i wrote this in part of email to my parents which sums up a really cool talk i heard last night. the most AMAZING speaker ever. read away:

what's the weather like??? i suppose i'm asking because by some strange arranging of the gods ITS SNOWING IN PORTLAND!!! it all started late last night, and around midnight it started accumulating -- huge huge snowflakes about 1-2 inches wide, just pouring down all over. people had never seen snow before at my school and were freaking out. soon enough we had about 2 inches and a huge snowball fight! everyone started waking people up to see, and you could hear people screaming all over campus in amazement!! i didn't hear ANYONE talk about the possibility of snow, my campus is so beautiful. classes start at 12pm today due to snow. who would have thought??

my birthday is this weekend and i'm going to the columbia river gorge area, you guys may have been there...?? hood river area, i found a hostel, i'm going with like 7 other people, we're all going to take a bus, go hiking, see waterfalls, and sleep in a hostel. i'm super excited! it's been an amazing week. i played a show two nights ago in the co-op. and last night a
transgendered, now woman, in her 60's came to speak to us-- it was INCREDIBLE. one of the best speeches/speakers i've ever seen. she's an actress too, and she was just hilarious, and captivating and really REAL. she grew up male, and slowly got the changes to become female. she loved talking about sex, how she's had sex as a male and a female, and experienced all the different hormonal shifts with both sexes. she talked about her struggles in life, never feeling like she looked good, she was anorexic for a while. she grew up in the church of scientology which she said "is more embarrassing to admit than the fact that i'm transexual!" in a joking way. and she had a daughter, i suppose when she was male, who grew up in the church of scientology who isn't allowed to talk to her or come into contact with her.

she's written books and plays... but she talked a lot about identity-- how do you identify a person like her? is she an author? is she a female? is she a male? is she both? is she neither? are we the audience? she was asking the audience to think about lots of questions... like what type of person we're attracted to, and how we feel about our bodies. it was just really healthy to hear what she was saying. basically that it's okay to do whatever we want sexually, as long as both people are on the same page, and it's safe, and you're kind. and i mean... i haven't had sex, or anything close to it. but growing up knowing that i'm not supposed to for a long time has made me sort of fearful of it. and i don't think about my body in a sexual way very often at all.

call me crazy, but i think she carried some of the message of jesus. she talked about how she needed to find a god that loved her for who she was. i thought that was so huge! my friend told me she's bisexual, just last week--sort of threw me off, i had no idea. but now we've been talking about it, and she loves church, and lots and lots of people in the church say "homosexuality is a constant sin, but god forgives sins." that doesn't seem like a god loving you for who you are, that sounds like a god putting up with your crappy life. and if god doesn't love me for who i am, than whats the point trying to be someone else? it doesn't work out.

and sure i think there's more to it than just being yourself, but it certainly takes being comfortable and confident in yourself and your body and your capabilities to be able to go out and live a great kind loving life using your best talents and abilities and sharing them with people.

i don't know if those views are scary or against some things you guys think.. though i don't really think they are. and i don't talk about for the sake of argument so much as for the sake of -- how powerful that message was. how 300 people gave her a standing ovation of all genders/sexualities/ages/religions. so amazing. it made me think of that story in the bible, when someone asks jesus why the blind man is blind. and jesus said, he holds the light of the world, or something like that... because being transexual = a tough life. and because of all the pain in her life she's able to speak openly and effectively about things people need to hear! like suicide prevention and being comfortable with your body, and she's written lots of books about sex as well. it was like she could relate to every person, because she's been both genders, young and old, hated herself, and loved herself. like... all of it! so much experience, so much hard experience, and therefore, such a message worth hearing.

she asked the audience how many people have ever considered suicide... she said she was going to raise her hand too, and a LOT of people raised their hands... probably 30 or 40. i was surprised they felt safe enough to do so, but then she tried to give them some hope, saying that you can use your self-destructiveness to kill PARTS of yourself that you don't like, and choose an identity that works. "if there's anything we can get from postmodernism, it's that you have lots of identities and you can choose!" i wish you guys could've seen her speak. the main message was (for me atleast) -- its okay to be who you are!

the snow is still falling! sorry for taking up so much time for you to read this... i hope you're having a lovely time spotting animals in the safari!!! i love you both!

jodi