forget about it?

yeah. so here's the story of me not playing soccer this fall: i ran 2 miles this morning 16:47, not bad, the knee didnt hurt much at all.. thanks to joey's advice- the ice, and the ibuprofin. but despite the efforts, big B (my coach) had a talk with me which started out nice and ended... sad. it finished with the words "this is the end of the road for us" and it came as no surprise after the very long period of beating around the bush, because of how hard it was for him to say. and then i had to say it, to rachel and bean "it's been real... it's over" and i tried to leave and not cry, but of course they came to sit.. next to my car, and it all hit me. and there was nothing to say.

i love my coach. I love my TEAM. i LOVE my team. and i handled it okay when talkin to big b, but then had a harder time telling rach and bean. kind of the fact that my team will go through this year without me, just doesn't feel right. homecoming, and all the crazy outfits we wear, and all the work that pays off later on, that feeling you get of pure exhaustion when you know you played your hardest and nothing else matters. and my coach said, if we havent gotten anything else from him in these two years, he hopes we have a love for the game. and i do.

so this means a lot of changing the way i see this year. a lot more time for college essays and music and any friends that aren't too busy with sports (let me know if you're one of them!). and yeah, keeping the job at pepperjacks. it will all work out, i know this, but its hard to face. and its hard to TELL people, cause i feel like i've failed. which i dont do often.

so you can just act like you know it if you've read this or heard, and i wont be offended, talk to me if you want.. i dunno its all a mess, but will get better.


see ya