but why be miserable?

so it hit me.. when i was singing at the arts festival.. my own lyric from the song "spectacular" jumped out and made a whole lot of sense...

"it's got to be too good, to ever be true... BUT WHY BE MISERABLE? when i can be myself and be happy..."


so it sounds a lil simple but damnit, thats just the truth, why be miserable? being miserable is certainly a choice, and easy choice at times of suckiness. there have been so many elavated events lately. like problems being elavated, awesome things being elavated, emotions, actions, love, loneliness, happiness, performance, listening, like all jumbled in to the past week!

i've almost cried about 6 times today. littlest things were just digging right in the open wound thats been created somehow. no one is really to blame, it's just that ppl i love are making decisions i don't understand, and when ppl i love are upset.. well i'm upset too! and then its hard to separate their pain from my own self, because we're all so connected. usually my awesome friends and i don't have any "drama".. lately has probly been the closest thing to drama that i've experienced with ppl like mike, who i just need to sit down and have an honest conversation with. i think i've been letting my own hurt get in the way of dealing with anything, which is lame and unfortunate, and i would like to get over that and be someone who does something rather than... gets upset about whats not being done/whats not happening.


in the midst of the problems that happen in life with my good friends, which i am reluctant to even refer to as "problems" because they are just things that happen that we're all working through... there's a lot of change going on like EVERYWHERE... and i'm just feeling like a lot of connections are fallling through (because they are), like the person who offered to record my whole CD for free who is now having lots of personal problems and probly won't be able to do it any time soon. i did find a studio that's 20 bucks an hour which is a great deal, and it doesn't look bad. and i might copy less than 1000 CDs because i found a company that does it for less. it's really rough sometimes doing all this stuff. many of you know, i don't like forcing things on ppl or self-promoting, because... it's either really rewarding or just upsetting to promote. i dont know how ppl just promote things, its a discouraging position a lot of the time. I was very happy that Sean Bouman was thoughtful enough to ask about what I was trying to do and participating in the presale for the sake of sponsoring me and what i'm trying to do. people like that, that really do believe in what i'm doing help me out so much. i know 10 bucks seems like a lot when you're like counting down the dollars you have for the rest of the week and it's easy to put off things like prebuying a CD from me, but in the scheme of things, 10 bucks aint too bad, and now i'm up to 10 CD's presold which is 100 bucks towards recording (which i'll now have to pay for).

my previous plan was to record for free and then mass-produce the CD.. which would cost a good 1200 bucks for 1000 copies of the CD, that way.. i'd have to sell 120 CD's to pay off the price... and i wouldn't really expect to make a lot but i'd get a product out that i could be proud of and other ppl could enjoy. soo that's still my plan except i found some other options where i can buy less CDs at a good rate (most places only have good rates when you buy a whooole lot). so this presale will help no matter what i have to do, i just think, now that i'm paying for recording, i should really make sure its a quality recording and that i dont produce shit just to save money... cause the music is much more important than the presentation (though the presentation is also important).

basically.. if you're out there and you support what i'm doing, I would truly appreciate your $10 pre-purchase of my CD that will happen one way or another.. and with your support it will happen without making me poor before i go to college. if you got connections, talk to me, if you don't have connections, just be supportive, i'm honestly just asking for that because this whole process is very trying on me, and i'll make it.. it's definitely tough though.

help a sista out! i'll make a paypal account sometime this week so ppl can buy this CD online. and the website is coming too. i'm working a lot! just gotta keep pushing through. i got thiss.. and i'm gonna enjoy as much of this week and half left of highschool as i can! wow, can't believe it.

SO MUCH CHANNGE! i love it, but it hurts at the same time! all this space has been created in my heartt and i'm wondering what will happen to it when i move away..

peace out,

Jodi