to all the ppl out there tonight who are comforting themselves..

i'll make this short, i think.. because i'm really tired and inches from sleep on my bed. yet i feel like writing SOMEthing. my hearts feeling a little tender lately, so that its easily bruised and vulnerable and mushy. i'm putting off some sort of breakdown that started sometime yesterday. autopilot works nicely at times, other times my heads just feeling heavy. not quite sure where to go, but i got this alarm thats going to go off ridiculously early screaming "WAKE UP GO TO SCHOOL"... well yeah its really just screming BEEP BEEP BEEP... but you and i both know the true translation.

i have been able to decipher a lot of what the real issues are... and that i'll have to really work through them to get to a point of nice relaxation and motivation and all that great stuff. i'm drained for now though. don't know what to do with myself really, and i think sleep is the answer, but somethings got me sitting here writing instead... i'm just too reluctant to speak about these futile thoughts..

i think on friday i will play: don't forget me, believe me, and maybe. yeah i havent played maybe in a while. history seems to repeat itself with different people. (so what if i write songs to deal with stuff... and sing them to re-deal)


so ani difranco's song recoil says it all right now:

to all the people out there tonight
who are comforting themselves
if you should happen to see my light
you can stop and ring my bell
i'm just sitting here in this sty
strewn with half written songs
takin one breath at a time
nothin much goin on...




i just want someone to cuddle with and cry to damnit... "probly just need to be held, thats probly all it is" (more lyrics from ani's song). i'll go to sleep now. not the most comforting blog but i felt compelled for personal reasons to write something, get some of it out.


thank god for good music in times like this.



Jodi