on the VERGE

of something incredible!!

i slept for 4.5 hours last night anddd have been up doing amazing things all day. i set up a paypal account which will be ready to accept credit card pre-purchases, i got my own bank account for music, i went to church and sorted everything out with my recording, AND i booked thursday and friday to record!!!

The recording will cost 500 bucks. you know.. i talked to jen on the phone tonight and i just realized everything is going to be okay. i was super stressed before trying to please ppl and feeling like if i didnt presell a whole lotta CDs that i'd been doing something wrong, that i was not being a successful musician. and THAT my friends, is a sucky place to be, questioning your own talents and abilities and weighing your success on monetary values. THAT is nottt what i enjoy doing! in fact i wrote this sweet song that i hoope will be ready in time to record and the first verse is:

"calling out desperately for an understanding
the commercial and the subliminal airwaves tells me
to go buy a new CD
and listen to somebody
but i can't even do that tonight
because i'd rather rip up those dollar bills
and burn a fire for the warmth and the chill
of freedom
cause i dont need em"

:)


I finally stepped back and realized how sucky of a position i had dug myself into with this whole project. it was easy to get so focused on the money-goal. but you know what.. the money support will just happen if i can enjoy myself and have ppl just as excited as i am about my CD! but if i'm up there worried outta my mind wondering if i can really pull this off.. there's no way i'll be able to convince anyone else, let alone myself, that its possible. but when all this stress was building and pushed me to my limits i realized that i dont NEED other people. that this really is just something that self-fulfills me and i have to let it do that and not get it all mixed up with "success" or $1,000. it's about the music and the love and thats ALL, a product is just a project, a tangible piece of work trying to capture the excitement, the love, the bold expression of life!

i'm totally backk on track. i just practiced 12 songs and recorded them til i did them well on garage band so that i'll be ready this thursday. my throat is quite sore right now, so say a prayer or think really hard about making the little scratchy molecules of bacteria in my throat let go and get pummelled by the goodness of a healthy set of tonsils and vocal chords by this thursday. sometimes i look back and think my struggles are just so silly when i realize what it is i need to accomplish. and i'm beginning the accomplishment. and i'm excited!



Jodi