wheres my city life when i need it

so i just got home from work... and i wanna go out someplace, but its already 9 45. say i wanted to go shopping for books to read, or to the library, or to the mall... well thats just not going to work, because everything closes early.

you see my frustration. and at the same time i'm tired and dont feel like going over peoples houses. the DOG isnt even here to play tug of war with. its a sad life i live sometimes. i think i might try to create some art or do something productive, maybe look at colleges online... again.

but hey, one lucky thing is that mike burned me the jamie cullum cd, and if you're lookin for some good/different/jazzy music- LISTEN TO JAMIE CULLUM. simple as that. especially the song "all at sea". i just go into the sweet zone when i hear that song (the sweet zone= closed eyes, singing but not knowing all the words and loving every second of it).

i really cant wait for college sometimes. i guess i just want to meet new people. not like i don't love my friends, but sometimes i feel like we're all headed in different directions. even now, the soccer team is headed one way, i'm goin another. and when we graduate theres 30 other roads each of us will be traveling to some now unknown destination. and i guess that happens all through life. maybe thats why people think they wanna get married and meet their match- it's one dependable person that will be on your road with you. up until that point, everyone has the freedom to do whatever they please.

it's a good thing. i don't want to be tied down to something that i'm not 100% sure is good for me. I want to grow and change and do what i want, but yeah what happened to my next door neighbors when i was young? my best friends of 8 years that i barely talk to because they live in florida. people that can come over and chill here not talking about much important stuff. my siblings. my father. sometimes i think i want a life free from these people. but it's so rare that paths meet and stick together. and thats such an irreplacable thing. a companion through changes, or through stagnance. someone who's mere presence is enough to make you feel validated.

maybe that person for some people is God.


i'm just here. on my own little path. not really sure who's walking next to me, it will all fall into place eventually. God's just not that easy for me. the concept of god is so big to me, i can't swallow it, or "say yes" or "walk in his ways" because i'm not so sure any of it has to do with church or prayer or anything. love has got to be part of it though, cause love changes people. i just feel like there is no firm conclusion to draw. everything is situational. everything. and things make sense in their context. but outside the lines just aren't as straight, the colors not so primary.


so maybe when i'm at college, i'll just get my guitar and play away in some dim-lit bar for all the happy drunks in whatever city i end up in. but here, stores are closed, friends are out, everyone except my mom (who happens to be asleep) is out of town. and whoever's reading this is sort of like my audience that can't exist right now. heres the life of someone who wants to be an artist. hope you like it.