who wants answers?

5 + 5 = 10. i think we take that equation a lil too seriously. like we try to fill in numbers with strategies or religions or something to pop up with some answer. and memorize that answer so that your brain avoids ever being confused about something.

If we all weren't looking for the fast and easy diet, or the way to get rich quick business, or the "how to live life handbook" (the bible? i dont know), then maybe we'd really give more credit to the process then the outcome. There was this book called "notes to myself" by hugh prather. Lemme just type a quick thing he wrote:

"today i want to do things to be doing them, not to be doing something else. i dont want to drive to get there, make love to have climaxes, or study to "keep abreast." I don't want to do things to sell myself on myself. I dont want to do nice things for people so that i will be "nice." I wont want to work to make money, i want to work to work. today i dont want to live for, i want to live."

that just makes me wanna go running, for the hell of it, even though i have no team to be running to stay in shape for. Yeah it sounds a little weird, like some peoples only reasoning for doing things is for some later outcome. But what if we could enjoy the search, without being so centered on what comes next.

you have to build this hot looking resume for college, but if that resume isn't filled with things reflective of your character, then how satisfying is it even going to be?

i dont know if these suggestions border complacency, but to counter that, change is good. the truth will come, and if you shut it out, you'll never know it. do things to be doing them. i like that, so much, its very real and how life should be.

forget answers. life is one big question and its all about which words you put the emphasis on, which parts of the question you experience, the search to search, and search some more. and find that life is filled with new thoughts and emotions and sights and songs for you to delight in and struggle with. but it all matters. at least the way i see it.


later