signs and changing minds

its getting kind of late, and i have work tomorrow (today) at 10... but you know, that type of stuff isn't that important anyway. It's been quite an interesting day. I took the SATs this morning, and for as much as i dreaded it, there were two verrry good reading sections that i enjoyed, which is always cool. i mean if you're gonna have a standardized test, its cool to see some interesting essays in there that aren't "in the norm". We all need a little eccentricity in our lives, my life just happens to effuse eccentricity. (can you say SAT WORDS? hopefully i used them correctly, but who cares).

i had some time to myself this afternoon and picked up the guitar, drew a pair of jeans, listened to ani, and realized i was late for work (after being called on my cell phone and informed that my shift started at 4, not 5). another slow day at pepperjacks, which was especially slow... i think i cleaned the same counters about 10 times just to pass time. so you're probably wondering wahts even interesting abotu this day?

well i got an email... about a dream someone had of me writing a really good song, so it must be a sign that i'll write this really good song. and so that got my mind going (this is when i picked up the guitar), no real magic happened, but it was good to play and i had a lot running through my head. its relaxing to play a few chords and sing out a song. a song that's never been sung before and will probably never sound the same way as it does the first time put one together. it's so relaxing cause i close my eyes and sing and focus on the sounds and the world disappears, and its just this song, that i'm not even listening to because i'm in the middle of each instant of vibration of vocal chords and guitar strings.

at work ryan and i had a conversation about memory, and how most ppl dont start to remember things until they're three. its cool to think that life is created and can't speak for itself using words... i just kind of wonder if some experiences can't be expressed using words; you don't have to know some crazy vocabulary to have real-life experiences that go really deep. kind of like when you're a baby and you're hungry, and you don't know the word hunger but you still have that same feeling. can't that happen now? i'm experiencing _____ and it can't be described accurately based on my knowledge about life. i dont mean that as a cop-out but i think its true sometimes.

i dont know whats a worse feeling to me: not agreeing with ppl i love, or not understanding someones motivations that seem negative to me. i get sad when i think about all those kids who died a few weekends ago in car crashes that were our age, and still see people getting inebriated/high like its no big deal... there i have some vocab for you, but it doesnt matter cause in this case the words don't do much explaining or much resolving. Days like this i feel a little too different. there's no true consensus on a lot of issues, and trying to make sure my view is right doesn't mean others will be open to a different lens. i guess we're all the same in that we want to be understood. but the level of importance of issues varies from person to person. you get the idea... i'm gonna stop there, and go to bed. but as a page in my journal says "my mind never sleeps". i'll write again eventually



keep livin well,
Jodi