that small empty space

some people say there's a "god-shaped" hole in all of us that needs to be filled with GOD or comfort or peace or whatever it is. It's weird to think that no matter how much stuff goes right, there can still be a tiny little place of emptiness in all of us. I think we tag different names to what is missing. Some people think that it's a relationship that isn't there, that dream boy, the happily-in-love-ready-to-get-married picture that just hasnt been handed to us. Some people think it's a job, or a talent, or a sense of purpose. Some people think it's mind stimulation and motivation, that just isn't there. Whatever it is, for how amazing each person can be, hiding somewhere is this space that's empty.

I'm trying not to be so quick to fill it either. I mean, you may think, if i knew how to fill it, i'd go get it taken care of, kind of like getting cured of some disease; it should be urgent. But it's not that urgent, sometimes that space is really just the possibility of something new. The empty space is uncertainty, it's uncomfortableness, it's vulnerability, it's fear, it's anger, it's the source of so much that drives us. It's enough to make some people want to give up the never-ending "struggle" of life. But without it we're confident, we're secure, we're stagnant, we're comfortable, we're complacant. We think we've got it all figured out. Where would you rather be? Sometimes we can't really choose where we are. There's still stuff that's missing in my life. It's almost like a disease we have not yet recognized in order to begin to find the cure. So rather than panic or give up or try to fix it right away with methods that work for certain situations, i let it be.

What's missing could be fulfilled in the future, but what's missing might just stop being important, who's to say minds and hearts dont change? I guess it's a scary place to go.. like to take into consideration that maybe you don't have it all figured out, but without that you're never going to change and think about new things, and that is important to me at least at this point in my life. So I welcome the void of possibility and doubt and questioning, because it's part of me and part of living. as uncomfortable as it is... it IS. and that is all.



Jodi