appropriately titled poetry for the moment: packing bags

"packing bags" - written March 2, 2005... unedited.


don't be bitter
while you're here
stay inspired
i'll keep your words in my ear

been thinkin about traveling
seeing who lies down the road
who's locked eyes will watch
as i solemnly unload a little

tonight i felt like i needed
to have a tear leaving my eye
it just seemed appropriate
after finding that its hard to ask why

i'm not uncomfortable
to say your name
to acknowledge your addiction
can we walk without shame?

i've been trying
clumsily, i stand up straight
but if i waver
you might still savor a thought of me and think i'm great

oh, sweet honesty
where'd you go from me?
we're on the same side honey
just feel left behind

and... i hope you stay inspired
i can't sing just for your ears
but will your eyes stay focused, will you find me here?
as my novel writes itself quiet and clear

i'll unload a little here, never did like packing my bags

never did like to check under the bed
and when one shoe was missing
i'd swear i'd lost my head
only lost some money, only lost some pages i wrote down
only lost a sweatshirt, only traded days for age
is it okay, is it okay, is it okay? it never feels okay. atleast i'm honest.


but while i'm still honest
it's not easy
to keep confidence
while somedays i feel spotless
i know there are stains
and i think i need to cry tonight, so give me a reason to unpack my bags
or did the carry-on i've carried temporarily, belong to you?
it'd be nice and easy to blame it all on you. guess thats what people do when they leave.
it blends, our clothes worn heavy our skin covers and keeps in breath
listened to a guy named seth play bass guitar tonight
and he sung his heart out, and he made faces, he wasn't so attractive
by what looks can see, but he spoke out
wasn't afraid to say I and ME. and well, i could see right through him
but i didn't mind what i happened to find in the transparency of his transferring mind... i'm not blind

liked what honesty i found tonight
confidence isnt easy in the sight of magnificence and freely lived dreams.
not so easy tonight.

think i'll just keep on writing til i feel alright, alright

so i talk to no one sometimes
i sit in my car and cuss, saying what the FUCK
whether i'm filled with joy and utter disbelief
or late to the hundredth place that day

other times i sit there and i scream
or i just dream
and sing the first words that come streaming out

so now i feel as though i'm hanging by the threads of support people are dangling
happily
listen to me


think i need to start listening to myself to sort this mess out
sort this out
what happened to the age of adulthood, i should really
learn


i know that i dont know, just watch me as i go, as i go. and i will. go.