oh what a night

i'm not gonna write too much about last night... but it was very remniscent of summer, dancing in kathleens backyard, staring at stars, sitting around a fire, singing my songs freely with rach right there hitting harmonies and the chords just flowing. I felt last nights bon-fire performance was really awesome, if not for the ppl listening, just for myself! man.. i was just going and going and hitting every note and feeling really introspective and into the music and just THERE in that night.


so this morning i caught the last few minutes of church. it is so awesome and amazing how life just does things that hit me in new ways. that was a broad statement. so i walked into youth group late... without shoes on! happy and tired smelling like a campfire.. and everyones gathered around in the semi circle, and the conversation had already been established, and on a dry erase board was "standing up to: " then there was a list with things like... smoking weed, cursing, sex.. i forget there were like 10 things listed that ppl in the group must have brain stormed earlier, like things they had "stood up to" in the past. and the conversation was about what it's like to have to stand up for something you believe in, when it's not the most popular thing to do... and how its important to love people for making their decisions and mann it was like completely reflective of my life this past week; having different standards for myself than my friends, and then figuring out how we both can live our own ways, yet being sure to like... maintain some sort of judgement without being judgemental.

there was some bible story too with peter and..john i think, and peter healed somebody on the street and someone arrested him for it and were like "we'll kill you if you talk" and he spoke up anyway because he believed in whatever was happening, just saying he had to do what he had to do and that jesus is the cornerstone of everything (sorry this isn't the real verse..) . whatever he had said was super controversial at the time, and his actions ended up getting him killed, and he acted the way he did knowing that he'd get killed for it. when i read that i just thought... okay so if this is christainity, it's pretty freaking radical and fearless! this isn't just standing around praying and keeping safe, this is dangerous! he's not in his sunday's best, he's getting thrown into a jail cell and crucified upside down!

i've had to reconsider a whole lot of crap just like... what's right or whats wrong... or even if i know what's wrong, when the "wrong" stuff happens... what to do next, how to handle it, whether to let it continue. i mean the major thing is.. how to handle it? cause it's all in the past now, and there's good in the "wrong"... but anyway, through all of this i feel like i'm learning what it takes to truly love people. and so i can handle whatever struggles and tears come with all the wrongs involved in the decisions of me and ppl i love. and i can't expect perfection now (or maybe ever), as much as i'm all about "settling for more", there is a certain strength that is gained when you CAN'T have more, when you're not wanting to settle, but it just so happens that you take an unexpected direction.


so i woke up this morning and this song by andrew norsworthy was like IN MY HEAD. I haven't even listened to it in a while. but it's SUCH a good song.

"once i followed your words like powerlines
energy with infinite will chasing it i climbed
high over peaks down creases of green
the treetops could not touch you there
only me

now i just call and let it ring

i took a turn and felt wrong
left my studies on the table
joined a celebration raising
in the black belly of babylon
darkness into dawn
and all my work at restoration
overturned, undermined, wonder why i never learn

until i'm on the other side.

if a color disappears and goes to gray
and stays that way for years
and then one day and then one day shows up to shine
and paints a line between the laughter and the damage
a little test of trust could earn the understanding
and burn back to dust any evil we were planning
a little test of trust....

i just call and let it ring...




yeah, its really a beautiful song. i was listening to it in my car after coffee with daniel anderson who is going to be my web designer! anyway so i was in my car after i dropped off daniel, and i turned on my boombox and put it in my lap so that it wouldn't skip and i was just so HAPPY. i was just getting so excited to listen to this music and drive with my windows down and i couldn't take the smile off my face.

i don't really fully understand everything that's happening in my life right now, but i'm glad something is happening, and at the core is just a whole bunch of LOVE. i guess i like this andrew norsworthy stuff because it speaks to the rough stuff that happens and doesnt just paint over the bad with up-beatness.. it "paints a line between the laughter and the damage" .. that line is so cool.

so yeah go to andrew norsworthy's site - www.andrewnorsworthy.com i think you can listen to that song there for free! and if you happen to read this andrew norsworthy, you're music is still so very inspiring to me; so thank you.


and thanks to my friends for our the mistakes we're willing to make... as messed up as they can be, and as much as i'd like for "integrity to win over desire" (ani difranco- manhole), and for us to figure out how to do many more positive things in the coming weeks than we've been able to do lately, every step's been important, so long as we're learning.


"and it's not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know" - damien rice, cannonball



now for work, on 3 hours of sleep... man, i hope its slow tonight. peace out lovers,


jodi