attention...

i took a walk this morning at 730 in the morning. i was convinced by two of my friends who have been going on 7 30am walks for some time now, every day, to start the day. i said i'd join them, but didn't catch where exactly to meet... so i ended up going on a walk by myself. (this was after i spent about 10 minutes debating whether or not to get out of bed, of course i wanted to get out of bed, but i kept thinking.. i only slept 6 hours, i have work to do, i don't know where to meet them, etc. etc... til i finally did think "i WILL just got back to sleep," but by then the counter argument seemed worse than getting up..)

okay, so i start walking towards tryon creek/state park. i'm noticing little things, like purple trilliums. i'm staring at tall trees, i'm wondering where the path is going. i'm starting to sing in my head "don't count the hours, don't count the days." i'm walking at a moderate pace as if i'm racing to the end of the path. i get to the end of the path i took, there is a parking lot and baseball field. i turn around, this time i'm walking a lot slower. ahead of me there is a snail on the ground with a beautiful shell. it reminded me of the ocean and summer. i stooped down to see the slow movements on the wet pavement.

another time i stopped and stared at this hollowed out massive tree trunk, with two other trees growing off the side of it. i thought about what i would look like if other people saw me, how it might seem like i'm "trying to look like" somebody who loves nature. people always assume everyone's so pretentious, i just thought it was amazing that new thinner tall trees could find their foundation on the rotting bark of another tree.

i think i go out of my way not to stand out sometimes. i don't want people to think i'm asking for attention. though, i admit i do want attention. but not just attention from random people, and not any kind of attention. i want attention for who i really am, and what i really love, and what i really want to be. and to get that kind of attention, i cannot be afraid to stop along paths and stare at trees or flowers. that's the smallest example i can think of.

so i was walking back through a neighborhood and noticed these beautifully landscaped yards surrounding houses. and parked on the side of the road as a truck with two guys carrying gardening supplies, ready to keep these yards looking as perfect as they already did.

their yards look so nice because they have money.

planting seeds is an amazing task, the outcomes are incredible. when i see a forest so green with sprouting flowers and unraveling fern leaves all around me, i'm amazed at how easily everything grows, when very few people attend to it. it's a sort of miracle in itself.

i want to plant the plants in my yard when i grow up, and tend to my own flowers. and know the process more than i know the hourly wage it takes to tend to these beautiful plants.

i think one of the easiest ways to enjoy life is to give your attention to things that matter to you personally, and to take the time to gain something from it that you didn't know you'd get. rather than constantly buying products you know will serve you in very concrete, practical, tangible ways... well that's fine to do too. but for me personally, i get enjoyment out of new things, like the snail that was on the path today. and the purple trilliums. and the thought of growing up and having a garden that i had time to pay attention to.