let me be

my meditative words for the night... picture them sung on guitar beautifully.

i'm really finding ME out here. i mean... something about driving on the open highway 101 along the oregon coast, and staring up at a tree that is taller than you can imagine, and reading this compelling stuff in my poetry book about words, and hearing people talk about life based on how they feel it and know it... how people can use words to communicate something so real and devine and unifying.

i'm realizing that the more i can listen to people and take people seriously, the more i am challenged personally... because if you hear something compelling that someone tells you that changes your perspective on life... you can leave it at that, or you can really try to change something about your life.

i had lots of work to do today. i still haven't started it, and i said i'd be somewhere else right now (or 45 minutes ago). the sun was out earlier when i was planning on reading and a band came to play outside on the lawn (the 88), and they were soo awesome, i couldn't help but join the crowd of people and dance out in the field. People always warn about getting too involved in having too much fun because it will ruin your studies, or make you irresponsible, but i really want to argue that point. for me-- i have the opposite problem. it is SO easy for me to give up a good time in order to do shit that i don't enjoy doing just so i feel justified doing it. i think it's easier for a lot of people... to when there's somethign really genuinely GOOD happening, to shy away from it, or stay in their rooms, or complain about things that aren't good-- when the only thing to really DO in times when something genuinely good is happening, is to LIVE IT and enjoy it and be a part of it.

I'm telling you, I'm going to get my work done, and when the time comes when not much is happening later tonight and I have a few hours set aside, I will read and write and do my work and start researching. lol i don't know who the "you" is that i'm "telling," but i just feel like we humans limit ourselves a lot more than we have to sometimes, and that if we could just let go and let ourselves enjoy what it is we actually enjoy, then the things that are harder to do become more interesting and more worth doing (because you have other rewarding things happening in your life).

for the record-- off topic -- but part of the "me" that i'm letting myself BE tonight, I talked on the phone during dinner hours and decided to eat GOLDEN GRAHAMS for dinner instead of leaving the phone conversation to eat at the bon. Let me note that I missed dinner last night... and bought this very box of golden grahams for $6.60 at maggies (the convenience store on campus... you have to PAY for convenience) last night. I had golden grahams for dinner... golden grahams for breakfast this morning, and golden grahams againn tonight! only in college to such crazy things have to happen, you gotta make a way for yourself to eat! and this box was just sooo irresistable. chances are it will be gone by tomorrow morning.


i think the more we let ourselves be, the easier it is to let other people be. and we're all just wanting to be ourselves-- but small talk and other things we're used to just get in the way of all the real beauty that is inside of all us.

i love poetry because it really struggles to find an appropriate way of expressing human existence. all the metaphors and all of the methods used are meant to pull something out of the reader, it connects you to something bigger. the poet is just trying to see/show the world as it really is.

there is so much to LEARN and SEE and interpret and write about!!!!!!

i'm exploding with appreciation and curiousity! and the only thing that could hold me back is myself.