where to go...

the past 24 hours have really changed a lot of my future plans... to start off, i fractured a small bone in my left hand called the pisiform. It was right after I learned how to do a cartwheel--something i've NEVER done before in my life, but i finally learned how! and then me and some friends decided to play soccer, so we did, and it was soo much fun. except we didn't have cleets and it was slippery! so i fell really hard on the palm of my hand and my wrist really really hurt. but i wanted to keep playing so i jumped up and got back in the game... then i fell on it again! and that really hurt! but i didn't think it was serious. next day, went to the health room, they tell me to get an xray, roxanne drives me to the emergency room and 3 hours later i have this green wrapped stint on my wrist and some pain-killers. a broken pisiform, a bone i never knew the name of or understood it's existence.... now robs me of the ability to play guitar for the next 6 weeks.

i had been making some big plans for performing, and this definitely gets in the way... but i'm thinking it could be for bigger reasons which i don't know or understand yet. for one, as much as it sucks, i do know i'm not powerless and i can still do lots of great things even if i can't play guitar (something i especially love). I wrote poetry about my music and how pivitol it is in my life as a means of communicating things i find so hard to communicate one-on-one.

i just finished writing a paper that i almost tried to get out of writing since this night has been so hard. but i called my brother and he reminded me of how much i am capable of doing. and so i did this paper, and it might be a B- instead of an A+, but it sure is something!

lots of little things have already helped me... like rach being up late on the east coast and randomly calling without even knowing all i'd been through today. and me getting to talk to trev, and krista coming in to talk, or listen to me talk and process through this stuff.

this broken hand-bone, has really already started to force me to depend on other people, in little, and big ways. and i think that's good for me, since i do try to give my focused time and attention to lots of people i love... it's good to be open to receive the back massages or the tea, or the hugs, or the phone calls. it's not that i expect them, but it's that they're there for when i need it, and people care and can help me out. i'm so thankful for that.

i think i'll get some rest now that this paper is written. farewell.