shakey legs, teary eyes, smiles, and surprises

so much meaning and memories crammed into one day. Now a days with me performing, I'm a lot more comfortable... like at class night, I was rockin havin a good time despite a slight cold that won't go away! So today I processed into the auditorium and walked ahead to the side of the stage, waiting to perform my graduation song: "don't forget me" for my graduating class, the juniors, and lots of important parents and random dignitaries... well the songs meaning amplified when i started playing... i just looked out at all the beautiful caps and gowns and the amazing individuals hidden under those robes with hopes, frustrations, bitterness, appreciation... personalities all very different, but gathered as one supportive group of people. in the begining of my performance i kept trying to focus on the song but so many thoughts were just rushing through my brain and my knees were quivering a little bit. "how did i get here? is this happening right now? am i really done with highschool? whats next? look at this.... i worked so hard to get here... i cant believe it"

i studdered a little bit on the chorus and gathered myself for the second verse on... i've done lots of informal shows. even talent shows i feel like are pretty informal, but this was created to mean something. and SURPRISE! it meant a whoole lot. i belted out the last high notes to the best of my ability and closed my eyes and opened them again hearing the thump of chair backs underneath the applause. everyone of my 2005 graduates stood before me, my eyes watered up and i just stood there smiling, humbled, thankful, proud.


i loved seeing joey get the teresa freed scholarship award; he's the perfect recipient. mrs. freed was like his mom, and i love joey, and that was a touching thing to see... mr. freed standing there giving a monetary gift and bag as if he was handing over his wife's personality and vigor to joey, keeping it alive.

near the very end of the assembly i received the outstanding senior award. i can't even remember all the incredible things they said about me, i heard the words "whether its a song or a..." and then i started thinking.. no this can't be me.. and then "coffee house, africa, italy" and people started turning around to look at my face, which had a smile on it that was mixed with a face made before crying (pictured below, maybe). the award meant a lot to me, it wasn't just a recognition for getting good grades... it was like, a personal recognition of all those little things i managed to put into reservoir while i was there. ("was"..weird)






after the assembly i went to talk to mrs. miers-bond and she had tears in her eyes! she had written that speech for my award (it was SUCH a beautiful speech).

The thing i realized about thank you's... is they mean so much when both people have gained something. "thank you" can be a sucky thing to hear from someone that doesn't give back. the feeling i was getting from so many teachers is that the "thank you" was mutual, that they knew who i was, and they had gained something from having me around in little ways. mrs. brothman, for example, who isn't even my teacher, but has always been super nice and supportive through any of my endeavors, let me know that i inspire her.

i heard so many great things today i just didn't know how to respond. altogether, i'm really glad for my experience at reservoir. it took being upset part of my sophomore year to decide to make the most of everything i could and start living it up. now there's no stopping the positivity. i wish i could've given allison mcdonald an award for who she is! man.. that girl does it all, works all the time to help out her family and is suchh a nice person with such an awesome personality! haha i told her this stuff randomly in the hall yesterday and she said "my drunk friends don't even say things that nice to me!"


it's summer time! schooley mill picnic was very relaxing on my love blanket/love bag (sleeping bag), playing guitar, eating chocolate icecream bars and burgers, watching a great kickball game... then taking the best nap of my life when i got back home to my couch. i believe i'll remember this day for the rest of my life.