my school is sweet!

Loving it here in Portland, my campus is goreous, and there's some sweet people on campus and on my floor. Next door roomies are awesome (jesse and morgan), I'll get a pic later, Morgan is tight he's next door, we chill, he plays the uke. And there are like 5 other guitars on this floor and open mic night tomorrow! YEs. pretty good fit for a school i have to say. Heres a few pics to get you acquianted:


convertables are not meant for moving into college--- but they're amazing to drive in on a gorgeous day



roomate and i (her name is laura)


campus





my lovely dorm



okay thats all for now. email me at jodi@lclark.edu or comment or whatever, I'm having a great time.

JOdi

words of wisdom:

messages left when i had the away message:

"any words of wisdom before i go to portland tomorrow morning?"


TheTallSkinyGuy: stay loose, hang tight, everythign is gonna be alright
TheTallSkinyGuy: when "you" wake up in the morning

dabus2246: If life gives u lemons...make lemondade
dabus2246: and then find someone whos life gave them voldka...and make a party

LaurBaBie32: HAVE FUN!!!!! BE SAFE!!!!!!!!! WE'LL MISS YOU AT THE REZ!!!:-) lol

WhtgrlsCANjump15: HAVe a safe trip adn fun time at college

mAcCo2003: meet as many people as you possibly can in the first 3 weeks. It's the only time your whole class is going to be in the exact same boat... brand new and ready to start college:-D

EmceeChron: use condoms

cHiNkMaStAfLeX14: heh ive never been any good at this words of wisdom business but ill leave u with a few of my favorite quotes
cHiNkMaStAfLeX14: Our duty, as men and women, is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist
cHiNkMaStAfLeX14: The distance is nothing; it's only the first step that is difficult
cHiNkMaStAfLeX14: good luck and godspeed
cHiNkMaStAfLeX14: oh and have a kick ass time too :-P



feel free to leave your answer as well! we can all indulge in the many "words of wisdom"

not so far away

(in light of the movie "the shawshank redemption," last nights star gazing, dropping rachael off at towson today, and me being in portland OR in a few hours... heres some poetry)



we'll make the most of any prison
inside walls there's room to grow
but when the time comes to step outside
we will surely have to go, say yes, not no

and no matter how much you refuse
to let surrounds change you, they do
surrounded by thieves, you learn how to take
surrounded by hypocrites you learn how to fake

the walls that we have shaped sure do give comfort in my heart
seeing you each day has made us who we are
and i think looking up at stars, well it's amazing we can see them
when they're light years away and nothing we do will change them
from existing for the moments we look up
without us they're just aimless in the dark
but looking up has made us who we are
and we are here and we are here.

you'd have to circle the world over like yarn wrapped on a yo-yo
to come close to half the distance of this spark of bright existence
so when you think of 3,000 miles, or inches away, it's quite the same
or at least that's what a star would say, if it were looking back at us.

so please be where you are.
i'm alive in your heart
we're looking at the same stars
nights still get dark
we're who we are

when faced with the choice it's easy to want to lock ourselves back
in last summer rocking our lives like thunder
wrapped under a blanket shielding our eyes from the time that has come
for us to become
one with the moment
when the moment puts a lump in our throats
because the moment keeps jumping and we'll take it wherever it goes
unsheltered and alone but with the strongest hope
we'll be united again
and that's love for a friend.
we did pretty well back then
the prison door is open
but i've found so much in the confines of my previous mind
it's time
to step onward
and meet you in the future when where we are is together
but for now be where you are, there's nothing better
yeah and i'm sure the stars would say, you're not so far away.

such great heights

the roof of ahs is a good place to be with people you love on the brink of something new. i feel like almost saying i took advantage of having such great people in my life now that i'm leaving, but really... i didn't, everydays a new day that i tell people i love that i love them, i'm reminded over and over how great my friendships are, they didn't really just come and go or just happen, it was an intentional union of great people coming together to encourage one another and laugh and cry and play music with and all that great stuff.

it's funny, seems like my natural instinct (and others i've talked with) to feel emotional/worried/overwhelmed, because no matter how much stuff is taken care of, the future seems so ambiguous. i forgot how hard it is to endure change. i'm feelin for rach having 2 school changes coming up. the thing is, i know every one of my friends is going to be alright. the type of ppl my friends are... are not ones to give up on a dream or a goal, and no matter what happens, there's going to be some path waiting to be taken that each of us will stumble upon and make our own.

rach and i were talking... it's really just about having faith. so in the words of my 5th grade PG county self-- keep the faith alive! worrying is only gonna get us so far and so "prepared" and eventually it's going to come down to figuring out how to deal, how to live knowing that everything is happening for a reason and will turn out how it should with our willingness to participate in the decisions to come using our hearts.

it's always nice to have someone pray for you, i guess not every average person experiences such a thing, but growing up in the church i guess it's sort of enevitable that someone somewhere is praying for me. on sunday i had the privelege of hearing the prayer of a dear friend of mine with her motherly hand on my shoulder. she was thanking god for the conversations we'd had and encouragement i'd provided, and praying that the transition be an enjoyable one with interesting people and good things to do... i dont' remember it all, but it was very warming. and lots of other people spouted the phrase "i'll be praying for you." which i like and appreciate greatly, it's a way of saying that someone believes in me and is hoping for good things in their thoughts (and prayers).

i've been a little uh.. silent when it comes to talking to god through prayer, i'm thinking.. god hears all the talk going on already, what's he need to be specially informed? so i feel like a prayer sponge, just getting the most out of other ppls prayers about me or for me and, not contributing much back into the prayer realm of belief. i would like to pray though, or ask life to be sure to keep my friends in their awesomest condition along with myself as we all endure so many changes. ultimately its on us, but it's hard to plan ahead when everything is so blank and empty until we get there and experience it. we have to be a part of it to know anything about it (college), and so i'm asking that college open its arms to us crazy girls and guys from howard county just trying to live a good life a potentially difficult life thats bursting with LIFE. and i do believe its going to work out.


to get to the top of the world, you have to climb.


:)

looking west

i'm starting to get really excited about school. the wedding was so perfect last night! We all had the best time! The ceremony was really sweet and personal and trev and i sang that andy davis song "bigger than us" and then off to the reception with italian food from 3 brothers and the toast given by me, and lots and lots of dancing. it was SO good to see my cousins and hang out and have a good time. and my sister was gorgeous and us bridesmaids were lookin awesome as well, and jesse was the mann on the dancefloor. thats just a quick recap.


so today there were more leftovers than you can imagine, plus 3 dozen bagels after having ppl over in the morning to open presents (at which time i went to church to avoid the crowd, sit in on the last service for a long time, and sell a few cds). in any case, the inevitable happened, i ate about 4 bagels, 2 plates of leftovers, a donut, and god knows what else! The only thing i could think to do to redeem myself was go running, and that i did, with trev and an ipod and some real good music we ran for a while and my legs feel achey and good.


i've been FEELING a lot lately, and only occasionally and shortly getting sad for the loss of this stage of life with one or two tears. ultimately i'm just really feeling good about moving, now that i'm packing and all it's just good and exciting to be able to start fresh. i looked at my schools website and found the 30 or so outdoor trips this fall, i'm totally going on atleast 3 or 4! they look so cool, waterfalls, volcanoes, kayaking... i mean, whats goin on! i'm in!

and i love my friends and distance doesnt change that. and my family has been leaving for the longest time, just coming and going, so i don't feel so bad to be doing the same on my own adventure, though i do cherish time with them cause my family rocks.

it's going to be a good trip. I talked to some ppl at church today, one guy, lester whitmer, the guy who does a lot of work aorund the church cutting lawns and things like that, he was saying how when his daughter got to college and everyone left she started writing a list of all the things she was going to miss, and then she realized that she was supposed to be happy and tore up the list then and there.

i've caught myself a little stuck in the past lately or stuck in the future... and i guess last night was something that demanded the NOW which was a bit emotional at times, but i think it got me back on track with what day it actually is. so i'm managing, and if you want to see me you better come to my house tomorrow or the next day, cause come wednesday morning i'll be gone!


:) adios ppl

it's happening

my sisters getting married

kathleen left at 6 30 am, just 3 hours after I left her house last night.

wedding rehearsal tonight at 6

i just played a show at college perk last night for the last time in a while and i love college perk and i loved last night and seeing all of the beautiful people i've come to know that were there listening and chiming in, and even dancing.

there's a half full suitcase in my room

i know so much about this stage of life, and so little about the next.

when i look at my friends i smile because i'm happy for the beautiful people they are and all they're going to accomplish in the years to come... then want to cry for not being able to be in eachothers prescense to share it.

i know Portland is the place I need to go.

I have no clue what it's going to be like there.

I don't know if I'm prepared for nights alone and feeling misunderstood.

My guitar will forever be my friend and i'll be happy to take it with me on the plane.

I have so much hope for the people I know and their futures.

It's hard to focus on my sisters wedding when there's so much changing in my life already.

I'm genuinely happy for her and Jesse, he'll be the coolest brother in law i could've hoped for.

Procrastination might get the best of me this week... not a good thing.

I'm ready to be self-sufficient, but it's going to take a lot of growing and a lot of strength... and it IS so much better when we're together!! jack johnson knows, so do some people i love.

I love Rachael Maddox so much.

There's never any words I can say when I see my friends crying, but I feel what they feel and i want to give whatever support i can. it's hard to do that without words, i wonder how it can be done.

saying goodbye is such a fragile thing. but for some reason, after sitting in my car with the door open and one foot on kathleens driveway for 10 minutes, it was the only thing i could say that would force me to close the door and drive away.

i really do mean for it to be a GOOD-bye though, like me sending her off with good energy. fresh and alive. understood and motivated. taking the necessary steps even when you're bursting with emotion.

trevs home after a week of being at Pepperdine, he's here for the wedding. reunions are golden.


i'm off to eat italian food for the rehearsal dinner. i'll love this! you see how my thoughts jump around... its a lot to be happening at once. inside and outside.

time and ties

with a week left i'm feeling more things at once than i have in a while.

its important to spend time with people and catch up and let people know how much i've appreciated them, and its also important not to get too lost in that loss of the past to the point where i can't move on to the future. but i mean.. they do call grieving a process, and it i think its happening at very interrupted intervals.

i've been wanting to get up and go some place cool lately and make the most of my days, because i fear laziness, and i dont have a huge list of things to keep me busy (well.. aside from packing, but i think i'll pack like a mad woman next week)... so if i'm not busy with something really fun, then i end up spending my time sleeping or staring at this computer too much or whatever else. and then i wonder why i'm not out someplace doing something good and worthwhile.

i got dinner with sarah tonight, it was perfect to see her and talk and be able to jump back into the comfort of the friendship we had so long ago.

kathleen leaves on thursday, i called and we talked and cried a little over the phone because we've changed eachothers lives so much.

the sadness gets counteracted with excitement and new beginnings and opportunity and so many activities to be involved in that are meaningful... but then trails back into memories of meaningful times and loss of this stage of life.

college will be great. because i'll make it great. sharing life with the people i've shared it with has been the most incredible eye opening, heart warming, mind stretching experience i've ever encountered on so many levels. i don't think we were made to be alone. i think people need eachother, and people change eachother, and we have to soak up life with all the different people we encounter, and be open to meeting so many great people in college, while coming home to home. coming home to shared highs and penetrating conversation and growth.

so i'll be on my own. what does that even mean? my core is right here, in the love that surrounds this territory, the love that will fly with me on my 7 hour flight to another coast. i hope to share that love with lots of great people... but we all know where it began and where it can't be shaken. its home. it's what we create.


i've found here at home the same thing i probably would've found if i'd driven to the beach or elsewhere; that this monumental change is still approaching, and theres no pretending otherwise. now its about talking to the people that matter, and getting things done that need to get done, and helping people out, and playing music because i love it, and doing all the things i love that exist here. thats just what its about. and i'm glad i know that.


now just to sleep for a while so i can be awake enough to do some of those things... thats the tough part!

peace

pack up and go

packing up to leave
taking my own
long road
with nothing but the belongings of my memories
and the past that built
enough skin to block out the dirt
and keep my insides in

the thin layer separating life from
the world
and still so much passes through

so many intangible ideas flew
right through me
getting caught in the cobwebs of that empty space in my head

i've been keeping some space open for rent
so please excuse my minds absence

it's just that i cleared the clutter of standards
and hand-fed opinions
that only make sense in one past-tense
but i know that now is a new game
or maybe not a game at all
no nothing is the same now
except that ever growing accumulation of events
building that past- tense to magnificent size
impressive
progressive
clear enough room for amiguity to loom ahead
at the dead end and all of it's surroundings
pointing countless directions that haven't been went
my money's been spent, i'll be staying here for a while
with this small backpack
that i put down from time to time
it's all you see attached to me
but my depth is in the emptiness
the space for this world to expand
and for new planes to land

disclaimer

the post below is what happens when i can't write in paragraph form and when the current music/books/people i am exposed to will not get me through my own state of whateverness. only writing something new, and creating, will relieve me in the way it is able to. it's being self-reliant, in the only way that comes naturally. to try to formulate words that emote and decipher my reality. enjoy?

alone together

i developed a lump in my throat and a knot in my lower chest.

you've gotta do what makes you free
and nothing less
saddle up and get going
alone

no that word isn't depressed or upset
alone
no it isn't so horrible being
alone

it's necessary when you're going
to be able to be
alone

and settled to some extent

and unsettled relentlessly

what makes me free.
what makes me.
what i make
now that's all that's at stake
get ready, surroundings
you're gonna change
so am i

like a chemical reaction
when i arrive
sure, i'll come out alive
after the war of two pliable
entities, highly reactive
both equally reliable to acheive
all that describes change
together, the confident loners
smile and in a flash
the colors change

like a sunset.
and the controlling force
comes from the inner voice
of every particle of every part
of every place.
may it be time, rhyme, or lines on a page
change stands alone
on the tip of dawn's tongue
waiting to rise
and open our eyes. to eachother.
after learning to be
alone.

stimulation

i was bored today! very bored. i sent out CDs in the mail... I bought milk for my cereal, and I realized there was nothing that urgent to get done... and nothing major that i was struggling with. (if there was something major i'd probably be off in creative world playing guitar to no end or typing away poetry)... instead i sat around, stared at this computer screen, wrote emails, walked around the house, ate chocolate pudding, and kept trying to think of something exciting to do before i go away to college.

so i understand saying "i was bored" doesn't sound like such a news alert, but it really feels like one! and once you get bored you kind of exist in a state of boredness that can't be escaped because if you decide to escape it, you're no longer bored. the problem was the only ways i could think of to escape boredom was to drive to someplace far away and play music, or swim in waterfalls, or.... WHOA!

lol just now on random song play of itunes ben lee's song starts playing-- "do it, whatever it is, whatever it is, just do it"


how cool.


now i'm not as bored because im thinking about this whole issue of boredom, and music helps to stimulate the mind. but really... boredom draws you to do some crazy things. you can either accept boredom and become terribly bland... or else fight it and try a million things til you really feel fulfilled or challenged or STIMULATED!

if i could find someone to drive up to canada next week monday-wednesday, i'd do it. i don't wanna get left behind on the possibilities life holds. sometimes you have to be a little bored to realize that sort of thing. now.. what stimulates your brain? and do those things ultimately perpetuate good things or bad things? and does it matter? or is the only important thing in life to be engaged in it? (comment, that "you" in the question wasn't meant to be rhetorical).


i feel like going to sleep for now... which i guess makes sense cause its sometime after 1 am, though it sort of feels like a continuation of boredom... i'll break out of it soon, even if it does take til i get to school and thrown into a new lifestyle, i'll be all turned upside down, no time to be bored when you're trying to adjust... i don't mind that. i think i like stimulation a lot more than boredom; but you need one to realize the other. the see-saw keeps going! goodnight, let me know if you're up for some good times before aug 23rd, theres so much to do!

Jodi